How to Plan a Funeral

Date posted January 2024

Planning a funeral after losing a loved one is a challenging journey, filled with emotional complexities and practical decisions.

This guide is designed to provide you with both practical advice and emotional support, helping you honour your loved one’s memory through each step of the process. From immediate actions after a death to finalising legal and administrative tasks, we aim to ease your burden during this difficult time.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. We’re here to guide and support you in creating a fitting tribute to your loved one’s life.

What to Do When Someone Dies

The loss of a loved one is deeply challenging. During this emotional time, it’s important to know the immediate steps to take:

Confirming the Death

At Home: If the death was expected, contact the deceased’s GP or the NHS helpline. For unexpected deaths, call emergency services.

In a hospital or Care Home: Staff will handle formalities and issue necessary documents.

Caring for Your Loved One

Treat the deceased with respect and dignity. You may wish to spend time with them, say goodbye or perform cultural or religious rites.

Informing Family and Friends

Start by notifying close family members and friends, supporting each other through these difficult conversations.

Registering the Death

Register the death within five days in most cases, obtaining a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death for the registration process.

Securing Property and Pets

 If the deceased lived alone, secure their home and arrange care for any pets.

Seeking Support

Don’t hesitate to seek emotional support from family, friends or professional counsellors.

Remember, take each step at a pace that feels right for you and don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed.

Learn more about what to do when someone dies >

Starting the Funeral Planning Process

After addressing the immediate needs following your loss, the next step is to begin planning the funeral. This process is not just a series of tasks; it’s a meaningful way to honour the memory of your loved one.

Reviewing Wills and Documents: Check for any pre-planned funeral arrangements or specific wishes left by the deceased. This might include preferences for burial or cremation and details about the type of service they envisioned.

Understanding Financial Aspects: Assess any financial provisions for the funeral, such as savings, life insurance or a pre-paid funeral plan. Establishing a budget early helps guide your decisions throughout the planning process.

Choosing a Funeral Director: A funeral director can be a valuable ally, offering guidance on everything from funeral customs to logistical arrangements. They ensure the funeral honours both the deceased’s wishes and the family’s needs.

Learn more about choosing a funeral director >

Involving Family and Friends: Funeral planning can be a shared responsibility. Engage family members and close friends in making decisions, ensuring the funeral reflects the true spirit of the deceased.

Considering Personal Wishes and Traditions: Reflect on any specific wishes of the deceased and family traditions. This could include choices of music, readings, eulogies and the overall tone of the service.

Taking Care of Yourself: Remember to look after your own well-being. Planning a funeral is emotionally taxing, so seek support when needed and take breaks to rest and reflect.

Choosing a funeral director

Selecting the right funeral director is a key part of the funeral planning process, offering both guidance and support during this difficult time.

Role of a Funeral Director

Funeral directors specialize in organising and conducting funerals. They handle logistical details, provide advice on funeral customs and ensure that the service is conducted respectfully, in line with your wishes and those of the deceased.

Learn about what a funeral home does >

Finding the Right Funeral Director

Begin by seeking recommendations or researching online to find a funeral director who aligns with your needs. Consider their experience, particularly in any specific religious or cultural practices that are important to you.

Meeting with Funeral Directors

Arrange meetings to discuss your needs, ask questions and understand their approach and personality. Feeling comfortable and confident in their ability to handle the funeral is essential.

Discussing Services and Costs

It’s important to have a clear understanding of the funeral director’s fees and services. Request a detailed breakdown of costs and discuss the range of services offered, including transport, preparation of the deceased and coordination with other service providers.

Making an Informed Decision

Take the necessary time to choose a funeral director who meets your needs and respects your values. The right funeral director will provide not only practical assistance but also emotional support, helping you create a meaningful tribute to your loved one.

Deciding Between Burial and Cremation

One of the first major decisions in funeral planning is choosing between burial and cremation. This choice is often influenced by personal, cultural, religious or environmental factors.

Understanding the Options

Burial: Involves laying the deceased to rest in a cemetery plot or mausoleum, often accompanied by a graveside service. It provides a physical place for loved ones to visit.

Cremation: Entails burning the body at high temperatures until it reduces to ashes. The ashes can be kept in an urn, scattered or buried, offering flexibility in memorialisation.

Considering Personal and Religious Beliefs

Reflect on any religious or cultural beliefs that might influence this decision, as well as the personal preferences of the deceased, if known.

Environmental Considerations

Cremation is often viewed as more environmentally friendly, though modern burial methods are also adapting to be more eco-conscious.

Cost Implications

Cremation generally costs less than burial, as it doesn’t require a burial plot or headstone. However, the total cost can vary based on additional services chosen.

Learn more about choosing a coffin or decide between funeral urns >

Future Memorialisation

With burial, there’s a physical gravesite for future visits. Cremation offers more flexibility, allowing ashes to be kept, scattered or placed in a columbarium.

Discussing with Family

It’s crucial to discuss this decision with family members, ensuring that everyone’s feelings are considered and that the choice honours the memory of the deceased.

The decision between burial and cremation is deeply personal and should reflect the wishes of the deceased and their family. It sets the tone for the rest of the funeral arrangements and how you choose to remember and honour your loved one.

Managing Funeral Costs

Understanding and managing funeral costs is a crucial aspect of the planning process. Begin by determining your total budget, which may include savings, life insurance or contributions from family members. Be realistic about what you can afford, remembering that a meaningful funeral doesn’t have to be costly.

Understanding Basic Costs

The basic costs typically include the funeral director’s fees, the coffin or urn and charges for burial or cremation. Additional costs can include transport, flowers and venue hire.

Exploring Cost-Saving Options

Consider less expensive options like direct cremation, which doesn’t involve a formal service or choosing a simpler coffin or urn.

Considering a Pre-Paid Funeral Plan? Here’s what you need to know >

Getting Detailed Quotations

Request itemised quotations from funeral directors and other service providers to understand and control expenses. This clarity helps in making informed choices about where to allocate funds.

Financial Assistance and Support

Explore government benefits or community funds that might be available to help cover funeral costs. Some charities offer support, especially in cases of financial hardship.

Making Informed Choices

Prioritize elements of the funeral that are most important to you, balancing respect for the deceased’s wishes with financial realities. Remember, the value of a funeral lies in its ability to provide a respectful and meaningful goodbye, not in its cost.

Planning the Funeral Service

The funeral service is a personal tribute to the deceased, involving several key decisions about its conduct.

Choosing the Type of Service

Decide whether the service will be religious, non-religious or a blend of both, reflecting the beliefs and wishes of the deceased and the family. Alternative options like eco-friendly or celebration-of-life ceremonies are also available.

Alternative Funeral Options: Are They Right for Me?

Selecting Music and Readings

Choose music and readings that were meaningful to the deceased or that convey the emotions and messages you wish to express. This can include favourite songs, hymns, poems or religious texts.

Find out more about the etiquette of funeral flowers >

Writing and Assigning Eulogies

Consider who will deliver eulogies or speak during the service. Writing a eulogy is a way to share memories and celebrate the life of the deceased. Find out more about who should speak at a funeral.

Planning the Order of Service

The order of service outlines the structure of the funeral. Personalise it with photos, quotes or anecdotes that reflect the personality and life of the deceased.

Arranging Funeral Flowers

Decide on the types of flowers or arrangements you’d like at the service. Flowers can be a beautiful tribute and can be selected based on their meanings or the preferences of the deceased.

Considering the Attendees

Think about the guests who will be attending. Ensure the service is accessible and consider any special accommodations that might be needed.

Funeral Stationery and Memorabilia

Funeral stationery and memorabilia are important for personalising the service and providing keepsakes.

Choosing Funeral Stationery

Essential stationery includes the order of service, memorial cards and thank-you notes. These items can be designed to match the theme or tone of the funeral.

Learn more in this guide to funeral stationery.

Designing the Order of Service

The order of service guides attendees through the funeral. Personalise it with photographs, favourite quotes or a short biography of the deceased.

Creating Memorial Cards

Memorial cards are keepsakes given to attendees, often featuring a photo of the deceased, their birth and death dates and a meaningful quote or message.

Personalising Thank-You Notes

After the funeral, sending thank-you notes to guests, speakers and service providers is a thoughtful gesture. These can be simple but should convey your appreciation for their support and attendance.

Incorporating Special Memorabilia

Displaying personal items of the deceased, such as awards or artwork, can add a unique touch to the service. Consider setting up a memory table for guests to view these items.

Funeral Vehicles and Procession

The choice of funeral vehicles and the organisation of the procession are key aspects of the service.

Selecting Funeral Transport

Traditional options include a hearse for the deceased and limousines for family members. Alternatively, choose transport that reflects the personality of the deceased, like a motorcycle hearse or a vintage car.

See what your options are when it comes to funeral vehicles >

Planning the Procession Route

The procession route can be symbolic, passing by significant places such as the deceased’s home or workplace. Inform the funeral director of any specific routes or stops you wish to include.

Coordinating with the Funeral Director

The funeral director will assist in coordinating the logistics of the procession, ensuring smooth execution on the day of the funeral. Discuss timing, route and any special arrangements with them.

Involving Family and Friends

Family members and close friends often appreciate being part of the procession. This can include riding in the lead vehicles or walking alongside the hearse for part of the route. Invite attendees to join the procession in their own vehicles, especially if the cemetery or crematorium is at a different location.

Paying Tribute During the Procession

The procession is a time for quiet reflection and tribute. Some families choose to play soft music or have a moment of silence. Floral tribes can be displayed in the hearse and at the venue, adding a personal and respectful touch.

Communicating Procession Details to Attendees

Ensure all attendees are aware of the procession details, including the starting point, route and any protocols to be followed. The funeral procession is a symbolic journey, a chance to publicly honour the life of your loved one. Whether simple or elaborate, it should reflect their life and the love shared.

After the Funeral: Ashes and Pets

After the funeral, especially in cases of cremation, handling the ashes and caring for any pets of the deceased are important considerations.

Deciding What to Do with the Ashes

Options for ashes include keeping them in an urn, scattering them in a meaningful place or burying them in a cemetery or memorial garden. Some families choose to divide the ashes among keepsake urns or jewellery.

Find out more about what to do with your loved one’s ashes >

Scattering Ashes

If scattering, select a location significant to the deceased. Always check local regulations or obtain permissions if needed.

Memorialising with Ashes

Creating a memorial space or using ashes in unique memorials like art or planted trees can offer a dedicated area for reflection.

Caring for the Deceased’s Pets

Arrange ongoing care for the deceased’s pets, considering family members or friends for adoption or exploring re-homing options.

Find out how pet care works after the death of an owner >

Supporting Pets Through Grief

Recognize that pets may grieve too. Provide them with extra attention and maintain a stable routine during this transition.

Honouring the Bond with Pets

Include the deceased’s bond with their pets in the eulogy or service, acknowledging this important relationship.

The Wake: Planning and Etiquette

The wake or funeral reception, is an opportunity for friends and family to come together after the funeral service to share memories, offer support and celebrate the life of the deceased. Planning a wake that reflects the personality and wishes of your loved one can be a comforting and healing experience.

Choosing a Venue

The venue for the wake can range from a family home to a favourite restaurant, community hall or even an outdoor space. Consider the number of guests and the atmosphere you wish to create. Ensure the venue is accessible for all attendees, including those with mobility issues.

Deciding on the Format

Wakes can be formal or informal, depending on the preferences of the deceased and their family. Some may prefer a structured event with speeches and toasts, while others might opt for a more casual gathering.

Consider including activities that reflect the interests of the deceased, such as playing their favourite music or displaying their artwork.

Catering for the Wake

Food and drink are traditional components of a wake. This can range from simple refreshments to a full meal. Consider catering options that align with the tastes of the deceased and the style of the event. For a more personal touch, family recipes or favourite dishes of the deceased can be included.

Inviting Guests

The wake is generally open to everyone who attended the funeral service, but you can also extend invitations to those who were unable to attend the service.

Sharing Memories and Comfort

Encourage guests to share their memories and stories of the deceased. This can be done formally through speeches or more informally in conversations. Provide a space where guests can write down their memories or condolences for the family.

Etiquette and Sensitivity

Be mindful of the diverse ways in which people grieve. Create an environment where guests feel comfortable expressing their emotions and offering support to one another.

Consider the needs of all guests, including children who may be present and provide appropriate activities or spaces for them.

The wake is an important part of the mourning process, offering a chance for closure and communal support. It’s a time to honour the deceased while providing comfort to those who are grieving.

Handling Legal and Administrative Tasks

Post-funeral, several legal and administrative tasks need attention to settle the deceased’s affairs.

Registering the Death

Ensure the death is officially registered if not already done, a legal requirement for obtaining a death certificate.

Find out more about how long you have to register a death >

Obtaining Multiple Copies of the Death Certificate

Multiple copies are needed for various administrative purposes, like closing accounts and claiming insurance.

Notifying Financial Institutions and Government Agencies

Inform banks, credit card companies and government agencies like social security and tax offices of the death.

Handling the Will and Estate

Locate the will and begin the process of executing it, possibly involving an attorney or executor.

Cancelling Services and Subscriptions

Cancel or transfer utilities, subscriptions and services in the deceased’s name.

Managing Digital Accounts

Address the deceased’s digital presence by closing or memorialising online profiles and accounts.

Seeking Legal or Financial Advice

If unsure about any aspects, seek advice from professionals like lawyers or financial advisors.

Final Reflections

Planning a funeral is a deeply personal journey, a balance of honouring a loved one and making practical decisions. This guide aims to support you through each step, from immediate actions to final tasks.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to plan a funeral. It’s about reflecting the wishes of the deceased and considering the needs of those grieving. Take care of yourself during this process and seek support when needed. As you move forward, cherish the memories and legacy of your loved one, finding comfort in the shared love and remembrance.

Need Further Guidance or Support?

If you’re planning a funeral in Bristol and are feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about any aspects, we can help. Our team of compassionate and experienced professionals is dedicated to providing you with the support and guidance you need during this difficult time.

As an accredited funeral director, we’re here to help you stage a funeral that celebrates and remembers your loved one.

You can find your local funeral home here or email us on info@funerals.uk.net.